Duck!
by MiscellaneousSoup
Summary: Dipper and Mabel find an odd talking duck, wearing a sailor suit.


**A/N: I had the urge to write something, but not any of my series. My sister gave me a prompt. (The prompt consists of the first four lines of dialogue.) I started thinking. This story was born. It's weird, but at least I'm back to Gravity Falls.**

**Duck!**

**by MiscellaneousSoup**

"Mabel, duck!"

"W-what?"

"No, d-"

"QUAAAAAAAACK!"

Dipper and Mabel set down their croquet mallets and ran away from the furious flock of feathers. Somehow, it followed them, still making an unearthly howl. Whatever it was, it sounded _angry_.

Mabel poked Dipper. "Hey, doesn't it seem like we're always running away from monsters? That gnome, evil time travelers, Pacifica?"

"Yeah, I guess you're right." A feather flew by and nailed Dipper's neck. "Ow! Okay, less talking, more running!"

They were almost to the Mystery Shack. The two silently vowed to never play in the woods again, at least not without the journal. Unfortunately, a tall dog-human hybrid popped up, seemingly out of nowhere. Waving a finger, the creature laughed and said, "Uh-uh, kids. Naughty, naughty. We need to talk to you."

Mabel gasped. "What _is_ that thing?"

"I can't think of anything from the journals. It could be another scientific experiment. Who knows, maybe the Shapeshifter broke out." Dipper said.

Cautiously, they stopped, not wanting to get hurt by the dog-human. The blur of feathers also stopped revolving, revealing a duck , wearing a sailor suit and a very angry scowl. "Dang it, Goofy! You were supposed to lock the door, not block it!"

Goofy laughed again, a sound that would haunt the dreams of everyone who heard it. "Oops, sorry, Donald. Hey, ya seen Mickey anywhere? I think he wanted to speak to those kids- Hey, the kids!" While they were talking, Dipper and Mabel squirmed and past them and into the Shack.

Entering the Shack, they found...nothing. It appeared to be completely empty.

Mabel held the door closed, accidentally smashing Donald's hand in the process. "Have you found anything?"

Dipper picked up the journal from the table and started flipping through it. "Ummm..Possessed robots? No. Face-stealing pancakes? No. Zombie politicians? Definitely not."

"DIPPER!" Mabel threw a crumpled up piece of paper at his head. "The door is breaking!"

Startled, he closed the book. "Okay, um, let's hide in Stan's office! Maybe we can find those rifles." After pausing to shove the table against the door, they took off.

…

Outside, Goofy and Donald decided to try a different tactic. Namely, using their heads. Unfortunately, that only resulted in a headache and some minor flaking on the door's paint. Giving up, they decided to call in the big guns.

…

After five frantic minutes of fumbling around in the office, the twins had only found seven packs of chewing gum, a longbox full of fake identification cards, and several cards that had obscure messages on them, such as "YES, LONGBOX IS A REAL WORD" and "DON'T LET THEM FIND IT."

Frustrated, the pair paused to take a small break, still gasping for air.

Mabel aimlessly picked up a skull and poked her hand through the eye sockets. "Maybe we can throw the skulls at them."

Dipper scanned the room for some useful weapons, but cringed as he caught a glimpse of the possibly severed head of some kind of puppy-deer hybrid, mounted on the wall. "Maybe. Hey, do you hear something?"

Mabel set down the skull and put her ear to the ground, imitating what she had seen during one very long night of historical documentary watching. (It was Dipper's turn to decide what to do for an all-night bonding session. Hey, it was boring, but it beat going to jail.) "It sounds like something skittering...Almost like a-"

One of the walls burst open, revealing a mouse, about two feet and three inches. He wore a trenchcoat and a crafty smile. "Hey, kids! It's Mickey Mouse!"

Mabel threw a skull at Mickey, rendering him temporarily unconscious. "That was surprisingly easy. Who _is_ Mickey Mouse, anyway?"

The filing drawer burst open, revealing Old Man McGucket, bound in duct tape. "Mickimy Mouse? I ain't heard that name for a spell!"

"Hey, I tried to open that drawer! How did you get in there?" Dipper questioned."

Old Man McGucket deftly shook off the duct tape and yanked a bottle of some sort of polish from his beard. "It's mah copyrighted McSpittle Glue, patent pending! Just take a dose of my spit, mix it with some cardboard, an' you get the thickest glue this side of Elmer's! I lathered it up all over the drawers."

Dipper looked slightly sick. Mentally, he resolved to give his hands a thorough washing once this adventure was over.

McGucket seemingly ignored his disgust and continued waving it around the room, sending small drops everywhere. "It'll make anything stuck! Here, that rascally fella is wakin' up, I'll cover his mouth up real good."

Sure enough, Mickey was stirring, muttering faint epithets under his breath. "Thunderation! Consarn kids…"

McGucket slathered a liberal amount of the muck on Mickey's face. "That'll keep him nice and quiet. We don't want you kids hearing his nasty, nasty words."

Mickey leapt to his feet and smirked. Well, he _tried_ to, but the paste rendered him only able to twitch his head like a prairie dog sensing trouble. His disconcertingly cheerful voice made its way into their brains. _"You forgot, old man, that I've been in silent films. I don't need mere _speech_ to convey my thoughts." _ He raised his arms theatrically. _"And now, all of you shall go to the Disneyfication Cham-"_

For the second time that day, Mickey was knocked out as a gigantic, blood-red beast burst through the door, knocking him senseless. Pumbaa the warthog had arrived, with Timon, Donald, and Goofy riding on his back. Goofy, to everyone's confusion save himself, was wearing a cowboy costume and an astronaut's helmet. "Ha-yuk! We've come ta save yuh, Mickey!"

Dipper, McGucket, and Mabel almost scrambled out of the ruined office, but were blocked by Pumbaa. "You're staying right here! You are the only ones left and we're not ruining this for Mickey!"

Dipper flipped through the journal. "What's going on? I can't find anything in here about you!"

Donald rummaged through his pockets, finally fishing out a sorcerer's cap. Reverently, he placed it on Mickey's cranium.

Instantly, Mickey became conscious. The glue disappeared, much to Old Man McGucket's despair. "As I was saying, you three need to get to the Disneyfication Chamber. We are meant to be nice characters, happy, and showcasing excellent morals. While some of us are more coarse-" he gestured to Donald, who looked at the ground in embarrassment - "or not as socially graceful- " Timon and Pumbaa whistled and looked elsewhere- ", we do our best to be wonderful role models."

Mickey spread his hands, making a tapestry of Gravity Falls appear, including every resident of the town and location. Various images were highlighted as he mentioned them. "Your actions are not permissible. You portray the law as being incompetent and idiots. You dare to show criminal activities as a joke! You have a demon! Disney does not work with demons, except in only the most important occasions, such as when we need Chernabog or Maleficent."

His voice changed, becoming slightly less cheerful. "Everything here is weird and abnormal. The executives have grown weak. They want to change everything up to compete with the competition. Cartoon Network's ilk just crams in jokes for adults in place of real humor and Nickelodeon can't even be bothered to have interesting characters! We were the best at entertaining children and adults, no matter the era. Family-friendly entertainment!"

The images swirled around, changing to show various prisons. "We decided to take matters into our own hands and form a group, meant to erase everyone who dares to be original and fresh. After that, we started to create various happy little storage areas for everyone. They can be kept there, safe and sound. The audience will forget them in time. We can ply their interest by creating more cartoons and live-action television shows based on nostalgic properties."

Then, a large portal swirled above the mass of cartoon beings. Bill Cipher slowly drifted down. "Hello, Mouse."

Mickey showed no surprise at seeing the demon. "Cipher. I've heard of you. I've stopped demons like you before. I see no immediate threat."

Bill grinned. It was a hideous thing. Picture, if you will, the scariest smile you've ever seen. It was the grin of someone who knew everything about you. All of your vulnerabilities, all of your weaknesses, all of your hidden thoughts, and, worst of all, how you would die. All-seeing, all-knowing. He had an inconceivable amount of power and didn't care about hurting any innocent bystanders.

It was this grin that caused Mickey to falter, only slightly, but it was still a sign of weakness. "Are you going to continue to grin like an oaf, or do you actually have something to do?"

Bill raised one stick-like arm towards the portal. A glowing figure slowly slipped out. "That, Mickey, is the embodiment of the fans. We are many. We are vicious. We are _legion_. If you do anything to harm this town or any of the residents, we will destroy you with words. Many people only watch your channel because of the town. The Internet is a dangerous place, my friend. Check any comment section."

Mickey started laughing. "I've been around for eighty-seven years, and the company has been around for even longer. We know everything about publicity and fans. In fact, we recently had a smash success. Even now, it's still popular. Oh, Elsa?"

The temperature dropped, making all of the residents shiver. Only Bill, Mickey, and the mysterious entity seemed complacent.

"_**Let it go, let it go…"**_

"It's the song of the devil!" McGucket whimpered.

Elsa strode into the room. "Frozen."

The entity responded, eliciting a war of words. "Gravity Falls."

"Olaf.

"Waddles."

"Hans."

"Li'l Gideon."

"Musical!"

"Claymation."

"Movie, television appearances, park rides."

"Genuine interest, unhampered by cynicism and memories of bad products."

Elsa, enraged, prepared to freeze everyone, but then the unexpected occured.

The portal drained away, taking the entity and Bill with it. Elsa, Timon, and Pumbaa vanished. The office rebuilt itself. Dipper, Mabel, Old Man McGucket, and Mickey, now dressed in his classic garb, were seated around a desk.

Walt Disney sat at the head, frowning. His mere appearance caused the universe to shudder. Mabel and Dipper felt alert and sleepy at the same time, McGucket appeared to be slightly saner. Mickey could only utter a hushed "Hot dog!" under his breath. Donald and Goofy took their headgear off out of respect.

"Mickey, Mickey, Mickey." Walt took the mouse's hand in his own. "Have I not taught you better? True, we are about family, but we also acknowledge that times have changed. Is it really so bad to have different kinds of humor in our programming? At the end of the day, we are all about pleasing the people. You have not done so, and for that, you will have to be punished."

Walt turned to Mabel, Dipper, and McGucket. Waving a hand in front of them, he caused several sparkes to appear in front of their faces."Rest. You will sleep and remember none of this. In the morning, your town will be back to normal. Ah, I wish I could have created it."

His calm demeanor turned slightly rockier as he turned to the 'Big Three.' "Goofy, Donald, you were swayed by Mickey's words and you swayed others in turn. Perhaps you knew better than to form a mafia, perhaps you did not. Either way, you shall be relegated to being supporting characters for the next few years. As for you, Mickey…" He snapped his fingers. Mickey went back to his classic, black-and-white form. "I believe you could benefit from keeping your mouth shut for a few years. Listen to others. Become what you once were."

With that, Walter, Mickey, Donald, and Goofy faded out of existence. Mabel and Dipper were teleported to their bedroom, McGucket was teleported to his shack. Everything went back to normal, or as normal as things can be in Gravity Falls.

**THE END**


End file.
